DARK KLUTZ: The lesser known mishaps of Toan
by Zeros
Summary: What really happened on TOan's adventure. Rating for mild swearing, and highly suggestive themes between Toan and Ruby


DARK KLUTZ  
The not so well known mishaps of Toan  
  
There they stood in the forest. The three of them weren't exactly the brightest bunch, but right   
now, they were all that was available. The three crept through the forest. As they crept along though, one   
of them looked up to realize that there was a massive bug hanging above them. "Shitzo, A SPIDER!"   
This of course woke the spider up, causing it to drop upon them, injuring all three of our heroes. Those   
heroes would be better known as Toan, the young hero of the atlamilla, a little too quiet though, Xiao, the   
cat/human with the mentality of a child, and Goro, who was best described as a sissy. "The hell!"   
shrieked Goro, as the spider fell downwards, "a spider. Get it off!!!"  
Toan sighed in disgust at his partners stupidity. With one swing of his sword, Toan cut the spider   
in two. He ddidn't even bother to check on goro as he moved on  
It was about a day later that they got into the fight with master utan. Things were going badly.   
Xiao had tried biting his ear off, but she found that it tasted like feces. Our hero, Toan, could only   
imagine why. They only survived that one because Goro dropped his hammer on Utan's foot. That was   
one big mishap.  
At queens, they finally met a competent warrior. Unfortunately, she was married to a crime lord,   
and seemed to have the hots for our hero. Toan would have worried, had it not been obvious that King   
and his bodyguards had a "special" relationship. This ended up saving the party. The Queen le saia had   
frozen over the entire party, when Ruby felt she was threatening Toan, and promptly bitch slapped her.   
Toan made sure not to get on Ruby's bad side after that. Then, they finally come to the land of the   
rabbits. Unfortunately, it seemed that goro was allergic to rabbits, and Ruby found them romantic. Goro   
lost his lunch, and Toan lost a few other things, which should be obvious. SO, they move on to the desert,   
since it seems that the rabbits have gone and screwed something up in the temple of the moonship. The   
oarty goes there, and finds mr. Low self-esteem himself. And after fighting their way through the entire   
dungeon, they perk up the warrior, ungaga, who does some spinny thing. When they find out that the   
guardian of the temple is a box, the party realizes the're in no danger, and it seems the box means them   
well, and offers to rid the world of the dark genie. Of course, ungaga offers to show the box his spinning   
trick in return. It seems the box is actually made of smoke. Needless to say, Ungaga was never allowed   
to use that damn spinny trick again.   
So, they travel to the moon, where television, cable, and sitcoms have taken over. There they find   
that the entire factories staff is missing ,but they only need to save five of them. They promptly do so, but   
it seems that the leader a gun toting rabbit, has lost the power core in a bet, and they must fight to get it   
back. They go to the arena, and once again, their new helper, osmond, saves the day on accident. He,   
drunk as a mule, gives Toan a shot. Their opponent sees it, and takes the drink, and swallows.   
Fortunately, the guy had never had a drink in his life, and rabbit beer is not your average stuff. He conked   
out, drunker than osmond, who had begun to sing "My way" broadway style in german. Toan tried to   
leave then, but thank godness, he remmebred that we needed that sphere. SO our hero stuck around, got   
the sphere, and took it back to the factory. they take the damn machine to the dark cloud, and when they   
get in. Osmond decides to attack a rat that got caught in the cloud. The robot struggles against it, and   
finally manages to crush the rat. There was nothing evil, or special about the rat, but Osmand said he   
didn't like the look the rat had gave them. Then again, Osmond was drunk. It was then that the genie   
came out, while possesing some guy, and blows the heroes to crap with a finger. Maybe they would have   
one, had they not found out, that the whole thing had been made of dead animal parts, and a few pieces of   
scrap metal. Fortunately, Dran saved them. When Toan asked him to help though, he refused, claiming to   
have a "cramp" suddenly, so he drops them at the castle. There, Seda approached them, gives them   
advise, and then kills himself. At that point, Toan could only stand there slamming his head to the wall. It   
was here that the party tried to quit. Xiao went outside to find that rat, Ungaga began trying to do the   
whirly thing, and eventually stabbed himself in the eye. Osmands propellors got stuck on high while he   
was fiddling with them, and he rocketed through the ceiling. Goro began complaining about the castles   
lack of good furniture for him to sit on, and Ruby began attempting to seduce Toan. Toan finally sanpped   
and ran screaming through the castle, when he tripped and fell through the portal into the hall of time.   
The party realized that Topan carried all of their food, and went after him. They got through the hall, and   
reached the past. Here, they had a chance to stop the whole thing from starting, but, instead, when the   
assasin came down, Toan was unable to stop him, as Ruby had pushed him to the ground at that instant.   
Toan broke free in time to see the monstrous dark genie appear in full form.The party got its ass   
wooped…badly. It was here that Toan actually got a chance to do something, and readily cuts the genies   
hand. One cut on its hand, and it began to cry. That's it. It was sitting there, crying like a baby. So, the   
genie is defeated, and Toan has to give up his stone to save Seda's girlfriend, who he jilted the next day,   
anyway. Finally after that, our hero went home. True, he was annoyed by goro, had to ditch ungaga, get   
osmand down from the roof of thre castle, stop Xiao from trying to hunt osmand, and, for the sake of his   
girlfriend, paige, keep runy away from him. Finally he returned home, and a historian came by, hearing of   
the adventure. Offering to record his tales. It was here that Toan decided to tell the man of his version of   
what happened. A version where he was the only one there. Unfortunately, Ruby had become pregnant   
several times over, and Toan's children told the story. Fortunately, Toan had left out some of the parts of   
the story. But as long as anyone they had met along the way saw the story, they would always   
remember…..  
  
"Toan? You mean that kid with the mohawk?"  
  
As was the true story. 


End file.
